An update, getting a little personal.

May 11, 2012

for my blog If you visit my blog regularly then you have probably noticed that I haven't been a great blogger recently. I have said from the beginning that I only blog when I want to rather than to please other people (hence my whopping 5 posts per month, in recent months!) but I have been blogging even less lately. I think my last post was approx 3 weeks ago and nothing since then. I still check my blog daily and read other blogs, but I haven't been posting and there are reasons, which I think I need to share because I owe that to the people who actually keep coming back to my blog and send me so many wonderful comments, emails, etc.

Firstly I haven't been very well in recent months. I'm not looking for sympathy but when I feel sick the last thing I want to do is take pictures of myself and fake a smile (real ones are much better)! I mentioned briefly on here about being sick before but I have problems with both of my ears, a recurring infection and a problem that may require surgery. I have also been getting TOTM twice a month which means I am miserable for 3 out of every 4 weeks.

Sickness aside, there is another reason I haven't been blogging. Probably the main reason, actually...5 weeks ago I decided to lose weight. I know a lot of peoples first thought will probably be.. "but I thought you were comfortable with your body? I thought you were confident and loved your body and didn't want to be skinny?" but let me explain..
I am. I have spent most of my life as an overweight girl and it took me a long time, but I finally gained confidence. I lost weight as a teenager by barely eating (less than 500 cals a day) and making myself sick to "slim down" to a UK size 12/USA size 8. Thats the smallest I have ever been my entire teenage/adulthood life. My goal back then was to be "skinny" and I didn't care about hurting my body. After getting comfortable with food again and gaining the weight back (and more!) I learned to love my body and gain confidence, despite my size. But after a talk with my doctor and thinking about my future...I might be confident and love my body on the outside, but if i'm overweight and thats doing damage to my insides, surely that means I don't love my body as much as I say I do. That doesn't mean I fill my body with junkfood 24/7, because I don't and never did, but I just need to start caring for me better...not just what people see on the outside but whats inside too.
I am not losing weight to become "skinny" - I just want to be healthy. I am not doing it to fit into certain clothes, I honestly own my dream closet already and had many debates in my head about losing weight just because I love my clothes so much. I am not doing it for men, I am seeing someone and even if I wasn't - I couldn't care less about someone who just liked me because i'm a smaller jean size. I am doing it for me - because I want to live a long life. I want to be healthy, I want to be able to walk up the stairs without feeling like i'm going to pass out. I don't want to have diseases, surgeries, etc. because of my weight in the future. Two of my relatives died young from complications related to type 2 diabetes, I don't want that to be me.

So with all of that talk out of the way, I just want to say that this blog never has been about my weight so I will not be posting about my weight loss here. I have made a separate blog to help keep me motivated (I lose motivation very easily!) and if anyone wants the link I would be happy to share but please email me (pearlslaceandruffles [at] gmail [dot] com) and include the link to your blog. If you don't have a blog then I probably won't share the link. I hope that doesn't sound rude but I would just rather know who is viewing it!

What this means for pearlslaceandruffles is that I probably won't be posting outfits with new clothes too often for the next couple of months. I am trying my very best to wear the clothes I already have as much as possible while they still fit, and I haven't been shopping in months. I don't want to buy clothes until I lose more weight because it seems pointless! I will still post but not as many outfit posts as before. I am considering adding beauty posts/reviews to make up for it, but i'm not 100% sure if people would be interested as there are so many beauty blogs out there already?

Sorry for the long post but I had a lot to say and wanted to make sure I didn't forget anything. To those of you who actually read it all, thank you!

xoxo

45 comments:

  1. Very inspiring, and it seems like you're wanting to do it for all the right reasons too. Of course you are gorgeous just how you are, but if you're concerned about your health then at the end of the day it's your decision and it shouldn't bother you what other people think about it. You know that you will have a lot of support from fellow readers to help you! Best of luck sweet, you know you can do it :)

    Lou xx
    Bits & Bobs

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    1. Thank you so much for your lovely comment. I put off writing about it on here for a while (I began losing weight over a month ago) because I almost felt ashamed about it..I felt like a "sellout"...but at the end of the day my health is important and I don't want to get older and have diseases or problems with my joints because I carried this extra weight for so long..I just want to be healthy! xo

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  2. you are losing weight for the right reasons, and I wish you every bit of luck in the world.
    x

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    1. Thank you Sadie! I think I am, too! I don't want to be skinny which was my main goal when I tried to diet in my teenage years, I want to be strong and healthy and fit. My body will have to get slimmer to be all of those things but if its going to mean a better quality of life then i'm going to work my butt off to get there! xo

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  3. Kudos for this post - I haven't blogged recently but not for the same reasons.

    I hope you feel better soon - And I hope this is resolved without the need for surgery - Things like this really do drag, please, try and stay positive! What exactly is wrong with your ears? I'm not sure what TOTM is - Oops!!

    And kudos also for deciding to lose weight, and even more so just for it being for health. I'm sick and tired of people asking me why I want to join the gym and 'lose weight' when I am a size 12 and weigh 10.5 stone. Fact is I was always 9 stone, (ALWAYS since the age of 14) until a year or so ago when I came off the pill and was diagnosed with PCOS. Now I want to work so hard to get back to my usual lifelong 9 stone (or just 9.6 to be healthy) before I lose control. I've managed to put a stone on EASILY and although its not much, I don't want to spiral out of control, get diabetes, DVT's and struggle with infertility problems later down the line.. . RAMBLE OVER, you know yourself better than ANYONE and thats that. I hope you do really well!

    I'd love to follow your new weight loss blog if thats okay? I really need some motivation after my soul crushing exams are over! My blog is http://fridayisforever.blogspot.com

    xxxxx

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    1. Hey Sara, thank you so much :) My left ear keeps getting infections inside the eardrum, my doctor doesn't really know why they keep coming back and each time I just get more antibiotics (which is frustrating as i'll end up becoming immune to them!) My right ear has a preauricular pit/cyst which is also infected, even though I clean it regularly and "drain" it (gross, I know) its still infected somehow. If it doesn't clear up I will have to get surgery to remove it, i'm not sure exactly what they do but my doctor mentioned "cutting" and I told him to stop talking about it! lol.

      TOTM = time of the month/period! Sorry, I should have just said period but I felt slightly embarrassed about it!

      Sorry to hear about your PCOS, my doctor told me I most likely have it but I was supposed to have a scan on my ovaries to confirm and he cancelled it for some reason! I fully understand you wanting to tackle your weight now rather than leave it until later in life, we're young and its the best time to do it now :) I will of course follow your blog and send you the link to mine. xoxo

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    2. Have you had your vestibular function tested? If you ever get any dizziness even more so! It sounds annoying though either way - I get a bit of ear ringing almost every morning - Probably due to my hearing loss - Win! Hope you don't have to have surgery but if you do, try not to think about it and just plough on! Helpful huh?

      Haha I know what you mean - I call in 'Aunt Flo' - Even worse when someone doesn't understand that. "Aunt flo... Like... Flow? Flow as in period.. Flowing? Oh vom!

      Oh thats okay, I was diagnosed last year and stupidly put on the pill to suppress symptoms! I'd noticed you'd followed my blog, I 'squeed' a little as you're the writer of one of my favourites, though I don't comment much! *Sad*

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  4. good luck on your goals! feel better too

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  5. You shouldn't have to explain yourself, if your followers are legit they will still follow you -like you've said before somewhere girls of all sizes follow you!

    Just because we're overweight doesn't mean we'll get diabetes, mostly skinny friends of mine tell me I better slim down or Ill get it but it's never been in the genes and none of my family have had it. If you eat right and work out frequently even going for good long walks or swims etc there's little more you can do. I'm sure you will lose weight naturally if you eat better!

    Best of luck, I'm here to see your beautiful outfits and see your life on the opposite side of the globe it;s very interesting and great to see, my closet has expanded since I followed you, for that i'm super thankful!! :)

    xx
    Nichola

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    1. I do feel I have to explain myself though, not the weight loss part, but why I barely blog anymore. Even though the weight loss is kind of the reason, I feel like I owe it to people who stop by every day and email me asking if i'm okay, etc. to let them know there are reasons i'm not posting!
      I wanted to share about the weight loss because even though I have a lot of weight to lose to get to a healthy BMI, it will become obvious that I have lost weight at some point and I have told everyone in advance now so people know to expect it and the comments I get won't be about weight loss! I want to keep it separate from my blog as much as possible!

      And I know you're right about overweight people and diabetes but my doctor checks me for it regularly because its really common in my family and the people who have it also happened to be overweight :/ Aside from the possibility of diabetes, I have been carrying all of this extra weight for almost half of my life and while I might be okay now i'm sure it could cause problems with my joints/knees in the future. Its a lot of "what if's" but at the same time, I feel like I owe it to myself to get to a healthy weight as well as get fit because I want to live a long life and not die young like my relatives did. Thank you so much for your comment Nichola! xo

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  6. It sounds as though you're doing this for the right reasons, so I really, really hope you succeed :)

    Losing weight is incredibly difficult but I'm sure you will keep motivated. I think having a seperate blog is a good idea- having people follow what you're doing always adds a bit of (sometimes needed) pressure!

    You look gorgeous at any size but obviously it's always good to be as healthy as you can.

    Good luck!

    xx

    My twitter is @distract_me, could you DM me your new link? My blog is www.distractmenowplease.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you, its very difficult as I discovered while trying multiple diets during my teenage years! But I feel like I didn't succeed those times (apart from when I starved myself and made myself sick) because I wasn't doing it for the right reasons and I just cared about being "skinny" rather than healthy or fit. I will drop you a DM with my link in a minute xoxo

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  7. Bravo. It's better to solve the problem before it happens, particularly given your history.

    I was diagnosed with t2d about two years ago. Beat it with diet and exercise. There are a lot of diet plans you can adopt. What worked best for me is an approach similar to the Mediterranean or DASH diet and portion control. Others have had success on the Paleo diet. Best advise to find an approach that you like, that works for you and you can stay on for the rest of your life.

    Exercise too. I just ride my bike and it's done wonders for me.

    Good luck. I will be watching and rooting for you.

    Dave LeBlanc
    www.skinnydaveproject.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks Dave :) Glad to hear you won instead of type 2 :) I never really had a problem with portion control, moreso not eating the right food. Carbs bloat me out and make me gain weight, and I loved white bread, wraps, baguettes, pasta, rice, etc. and had them multiple times a day - I have switched now to wholegrain bread, whole wheat pasta, brown rice, etc. and try not to have them for dinner more than twice a week. I have cut down on processed food (doing more cooking than ever!) and increased protein..I try to snack on fruit/veg whenever possible instead of sandwiches or toast. I definitely think its working well for me so far! xo

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  8. Good look, you're definitely doing it for the right reasons! xxx

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  9. No need to apologize, Dee. As I say in my own blog- no one is a bad blogger just because they don't post often. So don't feel this way if you feel you are a bad blogger because of this. I do enjoy coming here regardless. Always have enjoyed my time here ever since first finding "Pearls, Lace, and Ruffles."

    For everything you've been through, I have always wanted the best for you. You are a beautiful Irish lady with great style and charm. Your smile is lovely, you have the sweetest of voices, a great sense of style, and a wonderful personality. Don't ever let anyone or anything break you down. I hope you are able to be happy and safe with yourself and about yourself. I also wish you well in becoming more healthy.

    Regardless, I always want the best for you. I hope life treats you well and is treating you well. My best wishes are always with you from here in the United States. I extend you my best wishes and kindest regards in all aspects of life, Dee.

    johnbmarine.blogspot.com

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  10. Good luck! I'll be looking forward to your outfits -I love them.
    Merrybellyland777.blogspot.com

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  11. I weighed in on the scale at my highest weight ever this morning, and that pretty much sent me reeling. I have to do something about it. I'm starting by getting on the treadmill (I actually have a laptop-holder attachment for the treadmill so I can blog and such while I walk, which helps!). I'd like to be skinnier, but my main priority is to just get to a healthy weight (which is 15-20 pounds away). I'm going to email you!

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  12. Hey I've always loved your blog and will be sad not to see any new outfit posts but you really don't have to explain yourself - sounds like your head is in the right place and you're doing this for you :)
    I'm also on a bit of a weightloss mission which I've blogged a bit about and would love to follow yours.
    glittersequinsandpearls.blogspot.com

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  13. Oh wow, good luck on reaching your goals and I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts xx

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  14. This post helped me think. You are such a inspirational person! I also had been trying to loose weight as all my childhood I been overweight and I'm still am. I always wanted to change but I never had the motivation. Hopefully we both will become healthy. Good Luck lovely, you can do it. xx

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  15. I know exactly how you feel and I honestly wish you the best!

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  16. Congratulations, good on you! It's amazing you've posted this because it really is something personal and it must have taken so much strength to press post and I really respect you for your decisions and wish you all the best!
    xxx

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  17. I hope trying to get healthy goes well for you love! xxx

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  18. I get constant ear infections in my left ear too. It's crazy because they just keep doing the same thing and recommend that I don't be in the pool this summer :( because they come on so easy.

    I'm really happy for you on your "Get healthy" program! I'm working on weight loss too for the same reason...I just wanna' be healthy. But my first thought was freaking out about losing some of my favorite clothes. Now I'm just excited because that means I get to go shopping for more fabulous pieces. Ha! And there is always tailoring...

    I would love to read the blog designated to keeping motivated for weight loss! I know you said to email but I thought I'd let you know here too :) Good luck with everything!

    www.fisheyedglam.com

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  19. I agree with all the above - blogging is about you, so please don't feel pressured to post for others. It's your blog, you make the rules. The readers that like your blog because of you will understand! Good luck for your health situation - you are doing it for the right reasons, but please stay healthy while doing it and don't fall back into bad habits. I know the feeling and it sometimes is difficult to stay true to yourself and not following a trend. Keep it real and stick to a healthy diet! Good luck and all the best!

    Anja
    A Heart and Soul Story Blog

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  20. So long as you are happy in your own skin and you choose to look after your body in the right/best ways I will keep on reading and so will everyone else. I'm glad you're not doing this just to be thin :)
    I am interested to look into your other blog simply because the same thoughts have been crossing my mind lately about losing weight (I have PCOS) so would like to see how you choose to go about it. I'm on @tobeapoet and tobeapoetblog.blogspot.com, drop me a link however you like :) xo

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  21. You have a lovely blog, I always like reading it for your outfit posts as you have such a great sense of style, and you are absolutely gorgeous :) Sometimes (if this makes sense) in a way its nice when people don't blog every single day simply because it makes it more exciting when they do blog and you can read a post. Good luck with everything :) Xx

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  22. I understand because I'm going through the same now good luck sweetie and I am sure you will meet your goal in being more healthy

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  23. good to hear from you dee! i have missed your outfit posts but i do hope you start feeling better soon. health is definitely the most important part to remember when trying to lose weight. even really skinny people can be fat on the inside if they have a rubbish diet. watching all the people on supersize vs superskinny has made me want to eat a lot healthier, the things that can happen to your body from stuff like diabetes is just scary! i wish you all the luck in the world & hope its not too long until your next post :) xx

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  24. Hi from your newest follower!

    http://www.jessiswonderland.com/

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  25. This was such an inspiring post! You are totally gorgeous and good luck with everything! :) xx

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  26. I guess we live in a world where the boundaries of "normal weight/body" have become obscure and people have more and more problems with eating. The society encourages us to lose weight and the media represents women as anorexic beauty queens.. but then on the other hand we know that being either too thin or too over-weight causes problems to our bodies.

    I am a plus-size-girl and sometimes I think I'd like to drop a few pounds. When I say it out loud, other people almost get angry with me for not being happy with myself as I am. Weight just seems to be a topic which causes so many different reactions even that it should be everybody's personal choice to lose or not to lose weight.

    But isn't it curious that when an anorexic girl wants/has to increase her weight, everybody's supporting her decision - then again when a slightly over-weight/plus-size girl wants to lose weight, everybody's like "no, don't do it, you're perfect the way you are"?

    Anyway, you sound like you know what you're doing and you really want this change in your life. :-) I actually think your weight-history seems just like mine!

    This ended up such a long comment, but I just had to say all this. You're a gorgeous girl and I totally love your sense of style and beauty. You also have great talent in photography and I wish you would share photos from your surroundings; nature, some city streets perhaps.. :-) If this crosses the line of your privacy though, I completely understand!

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  27. Really nice of you to share this post, sometimes the pressure of blogging can be a bit much and its nice to take time out to realise why you do it. Sending you get well wishes and looking forward to seeing you back blogging with a new wardrobe! You should definitely do some beauty posts if thats what you want to, people read your blog becasue they like you and are interested in a number of things not just what you wear!

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  28. I think this is great news and hope you don't recieve any criticism for your decision. It's all very well loving your body whatever your size but more sensible to think about your health. I have struggled with my weight since I was a teenager. I lost a lot before going to uni and ended up a size 10/12 which suited my frame perfectly, but over the past 6 years I have put it all back on and more and am having to start again.

    I would love to read your weight loss blog if you didn't mind sharing with me? I'm always looking for motivation from others on the same journey.

    http://www.rafflesbizarre.blogspot.com

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  29. Good luck - the reasons you gave are the only reasons people should ever consider losing weight. Not for anybody else, not to be skinny.

    Hope it all goes well for you

    xx
    rococ0.blogspot.com

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  30. Goodluck! I would also like to updated with your weight loss journey. I have been on that journey too for almost a year. :) thank you.

    http://fleurisis.blogspot.com

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  31. Chica I totally understand and am here for you! You are an inspiration to us all and I hope everything goes great. I've always loved reading your blog and talking with you - and will continue to read your blog no mater what you post about! Good luck!

    www.curvystahaven.com

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  32. Firstly, I used to follow your blog way back before I started blogging myself and people like you were such an inspiration to me :) Of course, you still are and I can relate completely to where it is you're coming from.

    When I was about 16 (I'm 24 now) I lost around three stone - taking me from a size 16 to a 10/12. I don't remember it making all that much difference to how happy I was, but I do know that I felt a lot healthier in myself and that I was definitely a lot fitter. Recently I have been contemplating trying to do the same again. Like you say, there are lots of things to consider - not being able to buy many clothes as they won't fit a few months down the line is just one of them!

    At the end of the day though, it's only logical to want to try and be healthier in order to avoid any problems in the future and I don't think anyone would ever judge someone for wanting to do that. Whatever weight we are, we're still the same people and I have no doubt that your lovely personality will still shine through! :)

    Wishing you lots of luck in achieving your goal.

    Sar

    x

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  33. See unfortunately this is what people overlook. People always think that to be happy with their body, they have to be happy with the way it looks. I've never been particularly overweight to the naked eye, but my BMI said otherwise, and I knew it to be true. This of course meant that it was easier for me to lose weight than other people since there wasn't as much to drop off until I was "ideal" - but while I finally decided to try to lose weight to look better, I realised that being healthy was just as important. I started eating salads - something I have always despised - but made them more to my taste (in my head, salad = lettuce+tomato+cucumber) by including low calorie sauces and adding some form of meat in, especially white meat like crab. I quickly looked forward to my salad lunch, but I never ate it to lose weight, I ate it to be healthier. The same goes with my exercise.

    When people think weight-loss, lots see it as a chore, and think that it could be easier to just "learn to love themselves" - and that's fine, because you can't look after a body you don't love, but it also makes it easier to give up. But health, that's different altogether. Health implies longer life, feeling happier, being able to do more exciting things - that's not easy to fake, or something you can "learn to do".

    Good luck in this endeavour! It's certainly a respectable one ^^ who really wants to be a Skinny Minny? Girls need a little bit of squish to be huggable - but we want to be hugged for a very long time, do we not? That's where getting fit comes in ^^ many more years of hugs!

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  34. I completely understand how you feel about feeling happy with your body but still wanting to look after it better. It's hard to explain! I've just started the 30 Day Shred (I reviewed it on my blog) because although I like my body, I know I could look after it better since I stopped doing figure skating training a year ago- my body isn't thanking me for that!

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  35. Could I possibly have a link to your weightloss blog? I really love that you're so honest about this type of thing, it honestly makes me respect you so much. I'm hoping to loose weight soon too and this is so inspiring to me. x
    My email is amyfitzsimmons@rocketmail.com

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  36. I'm in the same boat hun. Losing weight for health reasons. But unlike you. I was desperately unhappy in my body.

    Keep it up hun xx

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